valentine

you
lying in bed, middle of night
deleting my favorite shows
insomnia
releasing your indifference
to what you’ve willed us to become

me
asking myself, laying next to you
what happened to turn you so sour
insomnia
prone and awake beside you
too afraid to hear the spoken truth

us
alone together in the blue glow
of our interrupted dream state
insomnia
the remaining common ground
in our unfulfilled tragedy

tinsel

the alumuminized shreddings
of the season
draped lametta
the narrow garnishment
in silver-metallic splendor
a translation lost to us
with the happiness and the joy

cheap and tarnished
you brought me such joy
all those years ago
when i remembered to open my eyes
to your brilliance
and allow your mechanized sway
to capture me

this extruded decoration
held in time and place
my own starry Nativity
holds me now with childhood smiles
in the never ending hope
which binds me
metallurgically to you

i used to be here

this place of vines and thorns
drawing blood with every move
blinded by the pain i sought alone
living in the shadows of each day
wondering why the warmth i felt was cold
cool as the earth beneath me
the wind driving the thoughts from my head
to wonder; will i live again...

ashes

when the tears
of the unforgiven dry
and are ground back into earth
i will be there

tattoo of you

indelibly mine without a canvas
stretched upon imagination
you allure me
love is like a marking
inflicted with meaning and intent
you are mine

another measure of nothing

drain me of the words i've already offered
endless sentences
round and round you go
to no end at all
repeated redundancy

try as you may this whorl-wind
spinning dust and debris, useless
as if no time exists
to watch the sun rise
wishing for the premature dusk

silence earned
as this world stops spinning
its axis revealed as something other than love
an inquiry to disaster
invited by your incantations

silly, silly thing
you look not for what is present
always seeking what you found in others
your poison. your solice
our demise

the idle mind

the slow tick of the gears
engaging
inertia not lost
in execution or in time
this sweat
beaded softly on the brow
busy at the task in hand

a developing thought
enthralling
consumes these walls
wicked in intent
brought to bear
upon the will of the unknown
this kaleidoscope of evil focus

will it ever end
intoxicating
the work of the tortured
in attempting
to put to rest
the never-ending desire
within the suffering mind

these given tools
invigorating
held firm and at leisure
to master this work
and turn the deliberate
hands of time
into the masterpiece of your choosing

contrails

these fading vapors
crystals
diagonal and sharp
bind you
in the unknowing iridescence
of where we've been

sinking you
to earth you fall
in their disappearance
much like all that has left you
weightless no more
you tumble

no longer a reminder
to ease your pain
this angels opposite laughs
and sucks these sweet gases
from the sky
unraveling you once more

mistaken

sadly
i pry your hand from mine
after all this time
knowing it was me
a hurt too deep
even these sun-drenched grapes can't reach
growing away
on this downward slope
of vines and chalky soil
we called ourselves
before we knew
before the season even started
and the harvest escaped us both

your look
no longer adequate to keep me
from this dark recess
i call home
too far along to turn back
too late to alter the course
i take time and time again
at your expense
with a smile i leave you
alone again
mistaken all along
as the salve which i required
to live again

tonight

three-quarter moon
illuminates the heather
purple like the marks
you left upon my heart
purple like the marks
i left upon your skin
signaling the spring
as we move forward

reaching toward the center
escaping us both
this halo in clouds
obscuring where we really are
neither seeing the omens we leave
littered and ignored
as we fumble
in this fraction illuminated

impossible

the red rose of spring
curled petals in brown
graced my touch today
with blood and pain

my grip tightened
as i held all that was within me out
for the strangers i call friends
to witness and embrace

the solitudes of joy
without existence
in this time of peril and hope
because i know no other avenue to share

the hurt and beauty it bestows
crushed deep in my hand
pressed long on my heart
hollow. red. flowing in nothing but dashed hopes

of tomorrows and todays
all encompassing in red and agony
crimson this beauty to the eye
and harbinger of my solitary walk

to this mound of soft earth
i will drop you upon
brown as your petals
home of my peace

sad as your truth
impossible to all but me to see
destroyed and dying
this smile on my face

a shadow
a myth
another day to breathe
this earth into my lungs

and die content
in your embrace of blood and sacrifice
as i sink
into the dark

i never remember

to stop and say goodbye
after the dance has finished
leaving silent footsteps in the wake
of this wave as i turn
and leave you there alone

to bend a little backward
affording you the space
to lead every once in a while
and leave your own mark
on this path of ours

to act with the human intention
of bringing you forth
whole through this experience
instead of the hollow shells
i leave never saying goodbye

Mile-High Sadist

despite this respite in the sky
i query you, alone without communication
i write. you listen.
although you are not seated next to me
we are together

our time carries on
despite time-zone, pressure, or circumstance
we are afforded no passing glances
nor have we ever touched
yet you remain, bound to me

you once laughed at subliminal
until you questioned it no more
the reality of the undone
became much more welcome
than your daily sunrise without it

silly, silly girl
i held you as a woman
never touching the skin which was mine
even tonight flying north away from you
a mile high above, as always

where did you come from?

the appointment, routine. the outcome, predictable
for one of us at least
you first; was it you who came to me?
or just a matter of convenience
and opportunity defined the time?
leaving you presented in front of me now

i watch myself, your chosen professional
my words inflected with both wisdom and intent
left for you alone to decipher
their course set each by the other
their outcome the same
each asking ourselves the same question...

a twisted kind of love

i keep you seated, when you want to run
unable to bring your eyes to mine
shy, you say
while i see right through you
unable to break away from the pull
of a strangers bizarre hold
more compelling than you'd imagined
more intriquing than you can stand
you hate yourself
and i love you for it

tomorrow marks the anniversary of nothing
one which you will embrace with tears
why, you say
wondering if you will ever be good enough
while already answering your own question
in your head you have these discussions
waiting for some reciprocation
which you know will never come
resigned to the reality
of this twisted kind of love

turn your back on me

if you know where to place your feet
as you step away from me
don't look over your shoulder
i will not be there

the choice was yours
from the beginning, without resistance
no stake did i take in your actions
as my indifference prevailed

without expectations i watched you
digging your own grave
became my personal entertainment
as expected, without affect or remorse

this meant everything to you

lie, cheat, steal my love
for you it's academic
tell us both the opposite truths
self-serving victim of your own needs
depleted until the No Outlet sign
straightened you out with its impact

your aerial maneuver without adequate runway
sputtered as you barely cleared the treeline
low on fuel and energy inertia failed you
as the backwash of your actions
removed the veneer of thinly waxed wings
rendering you a spiraling wreck

attempted without the skill of timing or wit
this undertaking meant everything to you
to turn the table of control in your favor
like footprints in wet concrete
your momentum slowed with each step
until the true measure of your failure was revealed

only if you want to

because i tell you to move
i mean it and you will
choices are chosen by me alone
your input is of no consequence
as we stumble through this maze
of discontent believing eachother
as only the dead believe the living

solitary

useless
as the
sentry guarding this
empty fort for nobody
as no feet approach it
ever, as these walls we build
can not protect us from our demons
both shunned and invited by our very actions
never seeing the fortress for the prison it becomes
by the labor of our own hands again and again

reusable

as the recycling of you
advances beyond all meaning
i hold you close
today a whisper
tomorrow a scream

this breathing re-creation
from spent refuse to sublime
i push you down
today a dawnless sun
tomorrow a golden glow

i make you mine alone
from the pieces that i leave
i reconstruct
today a mindless chatter
tomorrow words so clear

the apathy i show you
never deters from its course
i stand with
today a broken vessel
tomorrow reusable once more