Thursday, December 17, 2009

this one last step

from the shallow
to the deep
meeting the equator
all parallels in line
finally in tune in harmony
watching the ever-approaching bottom

no longer a sunrise
or a warm hand to hold me
this dirty hand slips
back into the earth
marked in granite
and the soft feel
of ash

never did i live so much
to extricate this pain
or feel the silent welling
of a voice no longer heard
eternity too short
and unforgiving
for me

this one last step
forever damning me
to remember to forget
the time i gave my soul
in the hope of a glimpse of me
in laughter
no more

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

another measure of nothing

drain me of the words i've already offered
endless sentences
round and round you go
to no end at all
repeated redundancy

try as you may this whorl-wind
spinning dust and debris, useless
as if no time exists
to watch the sun rise
wishing for the premature dusk

silence earned
as this world stops spinning
its axis revealed as something other than love
an inquiry to disaster
invited by your incantations

silly, silly thing
you look not for what is present
always seeking what you found in others
your poison. your solice
our demise

Friday, December 11, 2009

in words i can not utter
i can not think
in these thoughts
for you

in inaction
and you will never know
will never be mine
for you

how many ways

can i tell you nothing
in this vacuum i call home
leaving me spinning endlessly
circles once effortless
now always stopped by corners
unnavigable in acute angles
tangling me again
in myself

can i see yesterday
in tomorrows dawn
like concertina glistening
wishes torn away in flesh
left as the lone reminder
of my passing here
as the yield ignored entirely
by myself

never so peaceful

as this black night takes me
starless, brilliant, and clear
the crisp bite of this reality
daunting and all consuming
i leave you now

this cool dirt covers me
a warmth i never knew
as air escaped me
never so peaceful
these open eyes ever seeing

why cry the tears of the forgotten
when no one will remember
their saline dreams
as earth and sky become one
forever more

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

los fragmentos de español

rouse me from this sleep
a soundtrack in your head
to wage the war of lovers

whispers in my ear
shall lift this veil of night
to the music of another

bring me to my knees
with this intimate dance
in your twisted devotion

i can use your tears
to bring me to that place
where the words lose their meaning

breaths escaping us
to match our beating hearts
in a language all our own

the deep moans of me
mark the slow squeals of you
in fragments inaudible

chílleme nada
in this sweet ecstasy
spread upon these silken sheets

the colors of your voice
a symphony of desire

in your hard wet kisses
and the butter on your thighs

grab this face again
look into these eyes and
chille sus tonterías

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

bonne fille

this tear marks you as mine
moist. salty.
the piece of you i desire most
beaded. streaming.
the opening up of you
for me

tell me the things i love to hear
hate. love.
the emotion i rip from you
earnest. eager.
the things i use to strip you down
for me

you know i don't care as i slip away with you
down. below.
beyond these limits you've set
ignored. mimicked.
just another sacrifice
for me

without that look in your eyes
vacant. staring.
you know i can't survive without you
lonely. crumbling.
into the abyss of you
for me...


Monday, September 14, 2009


your words
contrived for no one
but deaf ears
the sorrow only yours
pathetic and meaningless
in your slow decline

this masked shadow of lies
consumes you
like your own truth
meant for you alone
without substance or content
of any reason
but to serve you

this manufactured sadness
hollow and deep
drags you under
beneath even you
as the shell you have become
meaningful to no one

Thursday, August 27, 2009

the idle mind

the slow tick of the gears
inertia not lost
in execution or in time
this sweat
beaded softly on the brow
busy at the task in hand

a developing thought
consumes these walls
wicked in intent
brought to bear
upon the will of the unknown
this kaleidoscope of evil focus

will it ever end
the work of the tortured
in attempting
to put to rest
the never-ending desire
within the suffering mind

these given tools
held firm and at leisure
to master this work
and turn the deliberate
hands of time
into the masterpiece of your choosing


tender thing
your dark hair mine
sweat-soaked and clinging
to mascara streaked with me
marking you mine

i drip from you
honey from a hive
like the viscous strings
between your thighs

those eyes
dark-shadowed and staring
softly up at me
from bleeding knees
in useless pleading

through sticky lips
you break a little smile
content. anointed.
vanilla salt-water taffy
escaping your mouth

a dirty little thing
this love of ours
pulling you toward me
to kiss me deeply again

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


these fading vapors
diagonal and sharp
bind you
in the unknowing iridescence
of where we've been

sinking you
to earth you fall
in their disappearance
much like all that has left you
weightless no more
you tumble

no longer a reminder
to ease your pain
this angels opposite laughs
and sucks these sweet gases
from the sky
unraveling you once more

Sunday, July 19, 2009

everything temporary

this breeze
the front it shadowed
the hair it blew through
on its way to you

this memory
gone as if it never was
the mind a sieve

these words
like cobwebs
in the corner of a room
which stands no more

Saturday, May 23, 2009

bits and pieces

these scraps of me
for the likes of you
line this cluttered path
our own personal debris

you once said goodbye
but you never meant it
always choosing the periphery
to collect your just rewards
tethered to the truth inside
which the mirror never betrayed
you hid within me

these bits and pieces
from the likes of me
now sustain you
in your own debris

Saturday, May 9, 2009


in three dimensions
you take form
my life blood melding you
in relief
in perpetuity
in loving defiance
i make you

having never seen your eyes
these hands pressed into shape
the sweet exterior of you
in memorial
in commemoration
in willing blindness
i make you

in exacting detail
from the blueprint in my mind
i glazed you over
in likeness
in nothing
in splintered reality
i made you

Thursday, May 7, 2009

i'm ready

you want me?
then remove yourself from you
settle in as i pry you from who you think you are
along for the ride
in this string of words
deeds not always needed, but done
with each click of the reel
drawing you closer
as prey

listen more to what i don't say
the dance more relevant
than the steps we take
willed beyond resistance
you tumble closer to your end-point
the place i like best
as i dangle you before the mirror you hate
embraced in solitude
and pray

no longer detached
to the nothing i offered
more so to the need i fill
for no reason other than to haunt you
and suck from you
the fragments of peace you once held so near
a willing participant
of your own demise
you stay

Sunday, May 3, 2009


look at me as i speak to you
don't cast those darkly shaded eyes away
your place is here
with me
under this firm hand
i exact all that you desire
in this place of tears and laughter

marked with the scent of me
my sweet putain
you could not leave if you wanted to
the stench as much a part of you
as the pigtails i hold you by
and the blue drool of the lollipop
which trickles down your chin

kiss me with the mess i made of you
sugar and salt combined
to soil you like the tear-streaked mascara
painting its mask on your face
were you beaten or were you loved
and does it even matter, salope
my petite putain

Saturday, May 2, 2009


give to me the required
the requisite imposition
i will ignore
the installment from you
which will be scrutinized
and met with the utter indifference
of my love for you

i no longer care enough
to engage
to admire
or to relate my feelings
of loving disdain
as i carry you forth
with me in this mind numbing existence

i love you as an exercise
of what i no longer am
and expect so much more
than you can possibly give or accept
as your installment
to this sick dance we crave
regarding you naught, my beautiful

Saturday, April 18, 2009


i pry your hand from mine
after all this time
knowing it was me
a hurt too deep
even these sun-drenched grapes can't reach
growing away
on this downward slope
of vines and chalky soil
we called ourselves
before we knew
before the season even started
and the harvest escaped us both

your look
no longer adequate to keep me
from this dark recess
i call home
too far along to turn back
too late to alter the course
i take time and time again
at your expense
with a smile i leave you
alone again
mistaken all along
as the salve which i required
to live again

Sunday, April 12, 2009


three-quarter moon
illuminates the heather
purple like the marks
you left upon my heart
purple like the marks
i left upon your skin
signaling the spring
as we move forward

reaching toward the center
escaping us both
this halo in clouds
obscuring where we really are
neither seeing the omens we leave
littered and ignored
as we fumble
in this fraction illuminated

Friday, April 3, 2009

beautiful night

this friday grooms me
in wind-swept cloud cover
like youth
like tomorrow
like the day i left behind
when i turned my back on you
and turned yellow into gold

this moment of purity
as i looked to the west
seeing only sunshine
instead of sunset
and knowing every step i took
drew the breath of others
not in wonder, but in awe

this simple path of being
carried me
beyond the pale
beyond the death of me
into the life of you and the horizon
purged of silver and grey
glimmered in flourescent colour

Thursday, April 2, 2009


the red rose of spring
curled petals in brown
graced my touch today
with blood and pain

my grip tightened
as i held all that was within me out
for the strangers i call friends
to witness and embrace

the solitudes of joy
without existence
in this time of peril and hope
because i know no other avenue to share

the hurt and beauty it bestows
crushed deep in my hand
pressed long on my heart
hollow. red. flowing in nothing but dashed hopes

of tomorrows and todays
all encompassing in red and agony
crimson this beauty to the eye
and harbinger of my solitary walk

to this mound of soft earth
i will drop you upon
brown as your petals
home of my peace

sad as your truth
impossible to all but me to see
destroyed and dying
this smile on my face

a shadow
a myth
another day to breathe
this earth into my lungs

and die content
in your embrace of blood and sacrifice
as i sink
into the dark

Thursday, March 19, 2009


sweet, like cherry valance
you lure me in
on my knees
i smell the gold of your saffron
and take you

purple-fuchia dream
like northern lights
illuminate this dark halo
in late winter sun
longer with each dawn

replace this blanket of bleak taupe
like earth and dying
and cover me in colours vibrant
to make me feel again
before the solstice reign

Monday, March 2, 2009

Fortune Cookies*

these little sweet flowers
of long-standing tradition
individually wrapped
for you
hold the words
i can't bring you
without tears

they sit neatly stacked
on the counter waiting
to be opened and read
by you
to give you direction
i no longer have
without tears

i will keep them here for you
your collection to ponder
their meaning, their message
to you
in the hope they will guide you
like i once was able
without tears

* to Mallory

all part of the magic

this dance of nymphs and faeries
leaves a tell-tale impression
of ligature and blood
upon my hands
as these strings cut deep
casting me on you
like a shadow

as you ease into my place
you settle
and these taut cords
need little resistance to move you
cutting less than usual
i guide you with little effort
as you spiral
like a feather to the ground

for now you lie crumbled
your strings lying softly upon you
blood drying on my hands
this brief reprieve
leaving us in peace
until i wake you once more
to begin this struggle from yourself
all part of the magic of this dance

Monday, February 16, 2009

the saddest thing

this crushed molten sand image
reflecting back at me
all that i am
each imperfection
highlighted in flourescent reality
clear now to me
like never before
the opening of these eyes to finally see
making all the difference

the stark inescapable self
realized in shadowed brilliance
every hard edge revealed as truth
the softening of these lines betrayed
by time and illusion
leaving nothing to run to or from
the truth displayed undistorted
for the first time in tears and sadness
by my own vision

Monday, February 9, 2009

i bought you flowers once*

that day in the rain
on the Spanish Steps
as i sipped my dark coffee
i remembered you
walking hand in hand
through the open market
ancient on cobblestones
black-cold and dirty
with the tales of so many
who walked before us

purple-bound in tulle
blue and yellow poppies i believe
stamens full of gold
swayed just enough to catch my eye
as you too once did
before your "i do" became "i don't"
and the nimbostratus covered us in gray
like the dust which accumulates
in clusters on this weathered floor
among the dried petals lying there

* for you

Sunday, February 8, 2009


darken me in phases
past the new and the full
this halo shines
smearing the blackness
in obscure patterns
momentarily blinding
to these eyes which dared to look
hoping for something to see
and call my own
before your movement passes
leaving me shadows
as my only reminder
of you

Saturday, February 7, 2009

the tear of the Human Condition

ten-fold it comes back to you
like a child to the home
once made so accommodating
now the bitter rise of its steps
leading nowhere
as the cinder and ash
crumble under
the pressing wait of the inevitable

what we become
no different than the rest
despite the years of practice
without deviation from the norm
in hope of self-preservation
to grace our every move
in this process we propose
as our everyday

ten-fold it comes back to you
the tear of the Human Condition
pulling us under
in its wake of normalcy
us clinging to the sides
of the vessel we mold
to hold us intact
in our porous demise

Friday, February 6, 2009


the smear of you
explained to me
in clinical accuracy
beyond my need to know
regardless of my inquiry
to the contrary

i'm susceptable to you
before i ever knew
the nature of your resistance
just another pathogen
for me to prevail
or suffer

prescribe me for you
to no avail
i am not your cure
but your keeper
meant to hold you still
sustained in me

i pin you down
in this organism-specific embrace
the incorrect companion
you recognised me
as you saw from the beginning
the smear of you

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


this pavement that i walk
hides nothing
from these down-turned eyes
each aggregate crack
and bifurcated splinter
from these cedar expansions
sunk deep within
this soul-splitting gait

in lost direction and perception
of the road i walk
and the road i chose
wrecking me
with each successive tread
of every step i take
bloodied and purpose-free
leading me back to you

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

not just the colour of a letter*

dark and bright enigma
unknown outside of me
smiling still
through it all
shaded behind a name
chosen by you
left not alone even by yourself
what peace will bring you
in us
in words
in us

* for Scarlet

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

such a waste

sirens sing the angels home
devils smile their angry breath
drawing forth
words crashed against the breaker
all the while saying,
the road ahead is lined
with broken dreams
carry on this one-way obstacle
hauntingly weightless
in this hollow horizon
never to feel
these long tired dreams

abstract nouns

the definition of yourself
bouncing to the floor
falling from the deaf ear of another

the reprise of the id
tumbling softly
like the snow outside this window

with the breath of the lonely
your view obstructed

by this cold awakening
your own collection of words
meaningless to define you

lie scattered on the ground
covered and oblivious
in this slow descent of white

Sunday, January 25, 2009

and that disease is love...*

a twisted torment of fluctuating course
gone before treated
back before recovered
always leaving the bearer
with simply the hows and the whys
and the cottony aftertaste
of the will this ever ends

the tug of the inexplicable
soaring to new heights
on the waxed wings of destruction
breathtaking in its fall
the crash and the burn
beautiful horror swept away
as the cherubs sweep you up for more

as the words form on your lips
at the edge of that sweet precipice
once again consumed by fever
and the acid of uncertainty
gathers and burns your throat
the ground breaking away
under the feet of angels

it's never ending. no cure.
the plunging sickness left
the rotted hole within your gut
and tears the vessels bleeding
from the holes left in your heart
as another wave of hoping
carries you off away, again.

* for juicebox

Saturday, January 24, 2009


the dark lullaby dream
waking My women
to shred this soul
you, the only one
understanding what it means
to slip
macabre for you
misery will sway
our ultimate devils
today, with me
our melody lies
rotting in decay

Thursday, January 22, 2009


the glue that holds us
yellowed and cracked
like these four walls
one for every tragic figure
left clinging
to this open display
defines us now
both for what we are
and for whom we were never meant to be

boxed in a delicate decay
openly observed forever

the tears of the living
captured three-dimensionally
discolored in spreading pools
around our cemented feet
useless to us now
except to erode this flimsy foundation
we stand upon
keeping us in place
preserved in scale
against this painted background

boxed in a delicate decay
openly observed forever

will the time not ever arrive
for the gentle closing of this lid
to shield us again
and cover this darkness
in darkness
ending this sad display
human indignity the endless endeavor
of this self-made enclosure
surrounding us in both shadow and truth

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

i never remember

to stop and say goodbye
after the dance has finished
leaving silent footsteps in the wake
of this wave as i turn
and leave you there alone

to bend a little backward
affording you the space
to lead every once in a while
and leave your own mark
on this path of ours

to act with the human intention
of bringing you forth
whole through this experience
instead of the hollow shells
i leave never saying goodbye

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


is the dagger
honed not on one edge
by the sharp bluing
of the metal-smiths craft
but with the dull oxidant
of age and abuse
now used to cleave away
piece by piece
at the remains of what
still stands between us

gone, the fine fired steel
which carried us
all those years ago
leaving in its place
this blunt reality
we have come to know
and embrace together
our last stand
a shadow of ourselves

Sunday, January 18, 2009

the sea

dying on the bank
of a river which no longer flows
north to the St. Lawrence
this slow denial
made possible by men like me
blocking my own egress
to the sea

the silt of me
lay buried in my path
left as if by shedding skin
to mark the course once blazed by others
only to fill the bottom
erasing both channel and escape
to the sea

Thursday, January 15, 2009

sky-blue orange

the colours i see in my mind
not always gray
as horizons do
at times
when facing west
at dusk's reprise
not always the end
this blanket of light
though fleeting
before the inevitable
push of night
takes me again

Monday, January 12, 2009

a whole lot of nothing

this large expanse before us
seems like nothing left at all
just a vacant stark reminder
of the distance of our fall

these etchings on this canyon
or the aquamarine sea
still won't free the anger
i harbour within me

the copper-brown seduction
i once saw in the sky
was replaced by gray obscurity
fog descending on my eyes

a once endless vast horizon
we followed as our course
is now filled with devastation
sorrow and remorse

in a sky once blue and brilliant
at night showing all its stars
is now clouds and distant thunder
i hear rumble from afar

today is not tomorrow
and yesterday is not today
now just a whole lot of nothing
is all that comes my way

a sad chain of events

i chose to cross the threshold
empty handed towards the curb
without a goodbye
or even a tear
to fog my departure
walking just as erect
as so many years ago

as with all extracting moves
the price, often overlooked at first
was both steep and swift
the loss outweighing the gain
erasing any good proceeding
my exit from this hell
pressing hard upon these shoulders

not a word from the diminished
echoed peace within my ears
only half a heart remaining
for only half a man remains
removed by his own action
leaving nothing left the same
except the screaming of the silence

the soil now lay abandoned
weeds encroaching in its place
like the ivy which consumes us
when our eyes are turned away
this subtle sweet erosion
now defines my everyday
all because the simple action of a man who stepped away

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Mile-High Sadist

despite this respite in the sky
i query you, alone without communication
i write. you listen.
although you are not seated next to me
we are together

our time carries on
despite time-zone, pressure, or circumstance
we are afforded no passing glances
nor have we ever touched
yet you remain, bound to me

you once laughed at subliminal
until you questioned it no more
the reality of the undone
became much more welcome
than your daily sunrise without it

silly, silly girl
i held you as a woman
never touching the skin which was mine
even tonight flying north away from you
a mile high above, as always

Friday, January 9, 2009

where did you come from?

the appointment, routine. the outcome, predictable
for one of us at least
you first; was it you who came to me?
or just a matter of convenience
and opportunity defined the time?
leaving you presented in front of me now

i watch myself, your chosen professional
my words inflected with both wisdom and intent
left for you alone to decipher
their course set each by the other
their outcome the same
each asking ourselves the same question...

i remember you

as the wheels hit the tarmac
just as vividly as when they left
blue sky, measured in distance and time
the meridian unchanged
ignored completely for you
even as this south-to-north
axis prevails

demure in your posture
a woman of want despite yourself
exposed beyond the Saints
you cling to and ask,
what has become of me?
this man who has left my side
i beg for again

we lay at night
in our separate beds
with the same words in our head
i remember you
like the dawn of tomorrow
and the moon of tonight
i remember you


relying on the masses
i step into my own world
defined by the multitudes
the yin and the yang
of us all

smile, or not
as you pass me by
you are not whole regardless
without my full
acknowledgment of you

the full circle comes
in the recognition
that we occupy the space
of one another
alone on purpose

i can pick your mood
from the hat you wear
and the jeans you do not
or the expression
on the face of your partner

little lies beyond me
as you pass oblivious
to no one but yourself
never seeing for an instant
there are people all around you

Another Place

i see you in the hall
knowing you are somewhere i can not be
the descent to 27,000 feet
quickens my memory
of the coffeepot positioned
in a secluded corner
on opposite floors
where i pour your sugar
and you ignore my cream
the rare, sublime encounter
we allow ourselves
in the everyday world
we call another place

Thursday, January 8, 2009

no one ever really wants the truth

tell me you hate me
because that's what i need to hear
that slap as good as a kiss
bringing a smile to my face
despite the sting
made possible by your words alone

our deception's in the opposites
equidistant between reality and want
a realization as good as truth
to two unseeing souls
each searching for what's before them
blinded only by themselves

this efficacious dance we do
for the benefit of each other
after years of erecting our walls
knowing the meaning, for us
is much more in what isn't said
because no one ever really wants the truth

a twisted kind of love

i keep you seated, when you want to run
unable to bring your eyes to mine
shy, you say
while i see right through you
unable to break away from the pull
of a strangers bizarre hold
more compelling than you'd imagined
more intriquing than you can stand
you hate yourself
and i love you for it

tomorrow marks the anniversary of nothing
one which you will embrace with tears
why, you say
wondering if you will ever be good enough
while already answering your own question
in your head you have these discussions
waiting for some reciprocation
which you know will never come
resigned to the reality
of this twisted kind of love